February 16, 2006
No cure for this sick day
Between soaps and Oprah, I'd be better off at work.

Jill Brooks
INtake columnist

I called in sick the other day; not the fun kind of "sick" where you're faking a scratchy voice and lying to your boss, eventually ending up at the Fashion Mall or on your way out of town, but a day full of real misery.

I stayed home while suffering from an over-the-counter-drug-needing plight of coughing, sniffling, sneezing, achy head, watery eyes . . . perhaps you get my point.

Having a cold in an Indiana winter is redundant, and there's salt everywhere else, so it may as well show up in your wound, too.

Colds leave me cranky and unable to accomplish anything.

Turning one page in a book is to over-commit, and I don't want visitors or chicken soup.
I lie in bed, covers tucked to my chin and fall sway to turning on the television.

I grew up in what seemed like the last American family to have cable television. Once my father saw how well cable TV "enhanced" our education (a 30-day trial), he canceled it.

I still don't have cable, and only one channel comes in clearly, but it's enough to keep me company while I blow my nose.

Daytime television is purportedly the worst thing going for Americans. It is the nexus of "dumbing down," and for one day I fully supported it.

I watched a soap opera I'd never heard of that characterized witches named Tabitha and Endora.

I may be going out on a limb here, but this was a waste of my accrued sick time. Overcome by bad dialogue, I took my first nap.

I later flipped through my three local channels, two fuzzy, one not, stunned that the same characters I watched in high school were still plotting revenge on "General Hospital."

Luke: Watch your back!

Talk shows? Unwatchable.

All day I waited for the only redeeming factor of daytime airwaves: oh, yes, Oprah Winfrey.
All women feel a kinship to Oprah, but women who watch her every day may not have noticed the gradual engendering of overproduction and sensationalism.

Oprah is someone I respect, and it pains me to say this, but her show jumped the shark.
If I had a pixel for every time the camera zoomed in on one of her crocodile tears I would need a slew of sick days.

Her issues are real -- all talk show issues are real, I suppose -- but daytime television doesn't teach much about the human condition, like a good Pulitzer Prize winner can.

Unfortunately, when sick, there are few other choices.