Maui at Night

We took a recent trip to Maui, which was breathtaking and spectacular, and we want to live there. Period. I'm a little haunted, however, by how yet another culture has been ruined via the relentless need for retail stores and knickknacks.

When the three of us go on vacation, you can bet your American currency that you won't find us at "the mall." Look if you must, but we're out exploring. 

Explore we did, and Sam and I shared our birthday. :)

Our dear friends John and Becky chose Maui for their wedding, John being Australian, Becky, American. It was a good halfway point for all guests. When they asked if Sam would be the ring bearer (the ring barrier, as he calls it) we hesitated not one second in taking him out of kindergarten for 7 days. Take that, Sam's future!

We rented a condo—practically in the Pacific—in Kihei (Kee-hey) for the beginning of the week, so we grocery shopped (asparagus $8/lb, box of cereal $8/box) and cooked a few meals. Mostly, we ate out. We found a little food truck selling fresh Ono and Mahi Mahi tacos, and there Sam began his love affair with fish. We ate lunch there every day, I think, and we even stopped by on our way to the airport the final day! 

Matt surfed daily, although the waves were more Sam's size. Sam has tremendous coordination and balance, so surfing is a breeze for that little guy. One day we drove along the North Shore of the island, finding one ridiculously beautiful scene after another, and hiked 4 miles just to catch a glimpse of Jaws. Unfortunately, the wave doesn't break until mid-January, but it was a wondrous view, nonetheless.

We took in our first luau, where Sam glimpsed his first hula dancers. This ritualistic dance full of symbolic movement (water, fish, love, for instance) was once performed for the Volcano goddess, Pele. It is now performed purely for tourists' (mostly American) entertainment. Kind of sickening. The goddess Laka, keeper of the dance, had to give up hula once Christian missionaries decided it was against their principles. Banned for over a decade, the hula made its return, but as Laka was once honored with prayers, offerings and leis, now these leis come to us, paying customers. 

Certainly I'm not against Christian missionaries, but must we all evolve into one singular persona? Can we not find concord with a few cultural differences? OK, OK, cannibalism I'll agree with...but the hula? Really?

I ziplined with the wedding party one day...what an adventure above the trees! Sam wasn't tall enough, so he and Matt stayed behind. It was a great day of bonding, but after lunch, one of our instructors, Loki, hid in the bushes pretending to be a wild boar, and I freaked out. He had a really good pig snort, and I fell for it completely. I grabbed Becky and told her to go back the way we'd been, and wouldn't let her pass. When Loki stood up, he was laughing his ass off. Becky said, "You're such a mom!" So true! I told Loki that somehow, some way, I'd get him back. I'm working on that plan now...

The wedding was stunning, and full of messy, casual Australian accents. Love the Aussies. John and Becky are great friends, and they love our son to death. What more can we ask for? At the reception dinner, Sam wanted to sit next to Becky because "she looks so pretty." Oh my, ladies guy. Across from me, Becky's mom said, "Well, if you're only going to have one child, you might as well raise an incredible one," which I think is perhaps the coolest thing anyone has ever said to me. Truly, I'll never forget that. 

The day after the wedding we took the Road to Hana, the South Shore, hiking trails and deep forests to find waterfalls, wading pools, enormous trees and comely sights. We listened to a CD that Matt had the foresight to pick up, telling of the best places to stop along the way. By far, the best part was Waimoku Falls & The Seven Pools at Haleakala National Park (probably shut down right now, thank you, Congress). We arrived around 4:30 p.m., the hike to the falls two miles uphill through a dense bamboo forest. I had Joseph Conrad's Heart of Darkness on my mind the entire time, and Sam even agreed to hold my hand in the "pitch black." 

With the Falls being #26 on the list, somehow we forgot to listen to #27, which was titled, "Tips for the Trip Home."

Unwise.

So, the South Shore of Maui, past Hana, where George Harrison lived, the Magical Mystery Tour began. After all the quaint towns and necessities of life, Maui had NOT ONE light along the treacherous, hair-pinned-curvy road back to Kihei. When night falls there, it crashes like your drunk friend on the couch. The deceptive lure of the day trip became the twisted-stomach, leaning-forward-in-your-seat, wide-awake kind of nightmare. Neither of our phones would work, and we had no idea where in the hell—oh, I'm sorry, God's beautiful creation—we were.

40 miles of this. My go-to thought, "What would Laura Ingalls do?" returned. There was serious silence in the car, even Sam knew better than to ask any questions. We could barely make out the line between land and water, and I asked Matt, cautiously, "Can you please SLOW DOWN?" 

Then I screamed, "Matt!!!!!!" He screamed back, "What? What the hell??" (You could cut the tension with an icing spreader.) I replied, "COWS! There are COWS in the middle of the road!" Matt gave it a quick, "Oh, shit," and swerved out of the way.

Then we began laughing. Nervous laughter, like when you're not mugged in NYC after you feel you're about to be. Sam asked what was going on, and I said, "Oh, just 3 cows, gray, black and brown, walking up the hill, minding their own business." 

20 more miles, and we began to see twinkling lights. I thought of Wordsworth.

I wandered lonely as a cloud
That floats on high o'er vales and hills,
When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host, of golden daffodils;
Beside the lake, beneath the trees,
Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.

Only these weren't daffodils...this was a town! Oh, glorious town in Maui! Whatever you are, we love you! And we're having dinner here! 

Matt and I stayed up very late on the lanai (after all, we were in Hawaii) once we found Kihei again, drinking wine and laughing about the evening. It’s amazing how quickly happiness returns. One thing is for sure: I have one helluva a husband.

The remainder of the week we spent in a lush hotel with all the trimmings. 7 swimming pools, Fernando Botero sculptures, marble floors, and a mall right next door. Now, that’s America.