My World Is Expanding

Very often I go to bed while my mind is still excursively reeling, the thoughts seeking a landing pad. Matt and I discuss everything, and I mean everything; from our past to our future, there are no secrets. Things that used to make me put hand to hip and raise a tempered eyebrow now make me shrug. There are scads bigger fish to fry.

To begin, we’re looking forward to another ultrasound next week. We peek when they cover the basics: heart, lungs, limbs, and hide our eyes when they scan the “private parts.” We want to be surprised. Everything is developing nicely, and the big feet could indicate either a girl or boy – I may have passed on a size 9. At the last ultrasound, however, the baby held up a fist and shook it at the “camera.” The doctor (Tony Dungy’s sister, in fact), laughed and said, “I wish I had that on video – I’d use it at my conferences!” I told Matt that it had to be a boy: a little girl wouldn’t give such a gesture to her parents.

Lately I’m going through the nervous “Oh my God, I’m responsible for this kid for the rest of my life” phase. I ask Matt if he’s at all scared or nervous. He says he just can’t wait to coach soccer. As always, he calms me, always to my rescue.

Last night, when he got home, I waited by the door with my hands on my belly. I said, “Look at this – it grew today.” He swooped me to the couch and said, “You’re beautiful.” I wasn’t fishing, I was just being realistic. We love sitting and staring at my beast of a belly, touching, rubbing and talking to it.

I’ve read just about every book there is to read on the subject, and it seems the baby can recognize my voice soon. I sing to it, and wait until I begin banjo lessons next month!

This weekend we pick up a like-new crib and changing table from one of Matt’s former co-workers. I never thought I’d get so excited about used Pottery Barn Kids. I’m already mapping out a children’s book club at our house once a month, I hate maternity clothes and I pee about 26 times a day. I used to travel the world, damn it!!!!

Matt treated me to Fivebucks on our way in to work this morning: decaf for me. I said, “You’re staring at my pear shape again, aren’t you?” Touching the balloon, he replied, “Only because it’s so cute.” Liar.